This one probably requires a little explanation. It has been said that one of the largest annoyances the viewers of the ceremony have is the long, rambling acceptance speeches that thank a whole bunch of professional cohorts that nobody cares about. So, in an effort to make the show more enjoyable for those of us who don’t possess comprehensive knowledge of Hollywood publicists, the producers have requested that all of the nominees prepare two speeches – a short one for the big stage that deemphasizes thank-yous and instead “shares their passion and what the Oscar means to them” – and a long one given backstage where they can kiss as much industry ass as they deem appropriate, and the entire grocery list will be viewable online. In theory, this should cut down the number of thank yous. But we’re curious to see just how admirably the winners heed the producers’ call. So we’re going to quantify it. Every time a nominee thanks a person or a group or an entity in their speech for the broadcast, we’re going to count it. And at the end of the night, we’re going to calculate the average number of thank yous proffered by the winners.

A few details. First, we’re going to count the number of people and/or entities being thanked, not the words themselves. So if a winner says, “Thank you, Mom, thank you, thank you, thank you!”, that’s just one thank you. Second, we’re counting collective entities as one thank you. So if a winner thanks Sony Pictures and the guys who run the craft service truck, that’s two thank yous. Third, we’ll count individuals called out even if they’re part of a larger collective that has already been thanked. So if a winner thanks everybody at Creative Artists, especially Chazz and Lisa, that’s three thank yous. Fourth, those thanked need not be people. If a winner sees fit to thank the collective creative spirit of the Hollywood community, hey, that counts. Fifth, since the speech time is generally calculated by award and not by individual speaking, we’re going to count the average number thanked by award and not by individual. In other words, if all four guys nominated for visual effects jump in front of the mic for a few seconds to thank a couple of people, we’ll total them together before averaging their total into the rest. And finally, we’ll calculate the average number of thank yous to the nearest tenth of a thank you, rounding up or down as appropriate. Though not necessary, you’re encouraged to follow that degree of precision. If you guess 3, we’ll assume that means 3.0.

As always, Amanda and I will make the official count along with any appropriate judgment calls. Our decision is final, unless one of us will be directly affected by the outcome, in which case we’ll appoint some kind of independent arbiter to approve.

Important Note:

When you submit your picks, you will be taken to a confirmation page. It is strongly suggested that you double check this page to ensure you have made the selections you want. Also, once you have submitted your picks, you will receive a confirmation E-mail within 24 hours. If you do not receive an E-mail, assume that your picks have not been received, and either resubmit, or contact Dom at dominic@skilletdoux.com.